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Triage a shoebox of cards into submit / hold / skip while you sit on the couch

Dour Port-Mage This two-drop 1/3 mono-Blue dork is next

Legendary Artifact Artifact (CTRL to add secondary) Creature Clive, Ifrit's Dominant When Clive enters, you may discard your hand, then draw cards equal to your devotion to red

While we can win the game just by attacking with a ton of hasty balloon tokens, we can also win without attacking at all thanks to Kambal, Profiteering Mayor, Elas il-Kor, Sadistic Pilgrim, and Funeral Room // Awakening Hall, which can drain our opponent out of the game directly as our tokens enter or as our Balloon tokens sacrifice them on our end step

Ahoy Mateys' other commander, Don Andres, Renegade, focuses too much on theft to be effective as your commander

This is a powerful deck that's a blast to play